Because of the physical debris now physically evident all over and that the silver is doing something, I go to bed.
I couldn't get out of bed for the next 2 days.
I felt so weak. I went out for a bike ride to the bank and that took up all my energy for the entire Saturday. So I took my medicine and went to bed. For the record I am some kind of neurotic freak sometimes, as so far as I really believe without medication I cannot ever again get any kind of sleep. I always seem to have endless insomnia. I was never diagnosed as bipolar, but I have had diagnoses of Anxiety Disorder and adult ADHD, Which really just means I double triple check everything, and I need to know for sure before I believe. I don't trust information just sitting there, exposed in some magazine ad or something, because there are so many faked ads with fake "results" and "testimonials" that were all questionable. I need to see it, experience it, taste it, feel it, hear it kind of person,. Be up all over that and learn everything about that thing that I for that moment have my attention on.
So this first entry is a little weird. I have come to accept I have Morgellons Disease, but I am not accepting the definition that it gets catorgorized with: the mental illness part, where you more or less tweak and think there's bugs or nano-bots in your skin. The mental illness part is called somehing like parasitis imaginereous or something. Anyway (it's all in your head). Or is it anymore?
I think it is fair to say that I am taking an amphetamine-based medication called Vyvanse, for my ADHD symptoms, so right away, I go to think: "Tweaker." And I didn't tell anyone about my symptoms until the holidays when I was with my family. It was the mentioning of the fibers and the sores, my mom scoured the Internet for dermapathy labels and libraries, that Ryan, my younger brother, diagnoses because he has a equally rare and misunderstood and understudied disease called chiari's malformation, which he suffers great pain and his whole life revolves about avoiding painful positions where the spinal fluid has adequate space to pass due to the brain leak down almost out of the skull, which for some reasons doesn't grow the correct length for some unknown reason. There is no known cure for that, nor for Morgellons Disease, I hear. Or Morgellons Syndrome as it is also known and how this blog will be known.
I began getting the symptoms where I thought I was getting ingrown hairs all over my thighs for some reason, and it was weird, I tried to pull the ingrown hair out so the infection can go away and my immune system isn't over-reacting fulltime to combat these alien parasites, whatever they are.
I certainly would love to be able to go see a specialist about this, but while I am trying to find one that take Medicare. Yeah, I am 31 years old, female, and white, and I am on social security disability due to degenerative joint/disc disease, which I have the paperwork for that, based on an MRI on my neck's cervical pieces were degenerating so they were about to slip out and it was even a surgery issue at one point but they determined that it something actually looks like it has stabilized for now. I also am on SSI, which I get for having panic attacks in public places being confined, or something stupid and idiot about me. But hey, I am honest.
So I have a college education - a nice Bachelors of Science for Computer Science. I went to Georgia Tech the first two years and then I withdrew from there, or basically flunked my way out of that school after a first year make Dean's List for my academic record, and it was published in the paper, and I guess there is something special about them or something maybe I can't see that the author does.
